Who Took My Yoga?

"The most important thing is always the least apparent.”

James Hillman

I didn't know when I walked into my first yoga class in 1968 at the age of 16 that yoga would become one of the guiding forces of my life. I only knew that when I came out of those classes I felt more alive than I'd ever felt, and that I wanted more. In a small loft studio in Boston, which held 10 people maximum, Carol

Yoga Journal 1977

Nelson (she still teaches today) guided us through classical Iyengar yoga. We held the poses a LONG time. There was no such thing as flow, or warm-up or cool down. We would practice a few poses, get some props, do some poses, put the props away and get a chair. And repeat.  The idea of putting music on would have been laughable. We wore baggy cotton yoga pants or tights and leotards. Men wore "yoga diapers," shorts with elastic around the legs. The shapes we made with our bodies were linear and strict and strongly defined. There was an order to things and the order seemed to have mystical importance. For me, it was a joy to rest into the structure of the teaching and the asanas, and feel my body as a body for the first time. In the burning and intense moments I spent in poses, something softened and unlocked inside me and it was extraordinary.

The world was in turmoil. It was the summer of love, but there was an ominous

undercurrent to things: Vietnam, the Manson/Tate murders, talk of revolution, the National Guard hosing and tear gassing demonstrators, Kent State, assassinations, riots. We were the generation who spoke of ending war and poverty, racism and inequality, and of fostering peace and love. It seems incredibly naive to me now, but I truly thought war was going to end before I hit my 30's.

My yoga practice was a place where I could rest into focus and joy: a quiet, holy feeling of connection and peace that I found nowhere else. Outside, the world might be burning, and I would be marching in demonstrations, full of passion and righteousness. But in the yoga room, my heart was always safe and could expand. Yoga practice accompanied me through career transitions, moves, and heartbreak.

One thing led to another, like a river over the rocks. War didn't end. I became a yoga teacher. My classes were small at first, 6 or 8 souls, and we were deeply mindful and serious in our practice. And then, I don't know, something

happened, I looked away for a second, and it seemed like overnight, suddenly,

yoga was everywhere, but it wasn't a yoga I recognized. It was on the cover of magazines, it was hot, it was fast, it was "core," it was "power," it was about losing weight, it was sexualized, it was all the things the over-culture had tried to foist on me when I was a young woman. It was being used to sell cars, and clothes, and energy bars. My yoga had been co-opted. It was true grief for me to see what I thought of as "my yoga" (but truly I never owned it, nor does anyone) distorted into an unrecognizable form.

This is where I got bitter for a while and judgmental about what yoga really is, as if I knew. I was also often just plain worried about my friends who went into ridiculously heated rooms and did the same movements over and over. (Repetitive stress syndrome, anyone?)

Then my little boat of reason righted itself once again and I came to remember that there are seasons of life (probably hot yoga is a better outlet for youthful aggression than getting drunk and driving fast), and that we hopefully each learn to know our tendencies and how to balance them.

So now, as yoga becomes a worldwide phenomenon, what I'm most devoted to is the hand to hand, heart to heart, soul to soul teaching and learning that can never be commodified, dumbed down, branded, glamorized, or taken away. I recommit to seeking and teaching yoga that is not about extremes, that is slower, body wise, intelligent, community honoring, and respectful, that is not aggressive, and is strong-hearted. Although I respect whatever yoga path anyone may choose, mine is sourced out of these values.

Peace.

Women, Power, Perfectionism & Yoga

A few weeks ago Bianca Raffety and I gathered with a group of courageous women to explore the topics of Power, Perfectionism and Yoga. Drawing from the worlds of psychology, yoga, somatics, and feminist and social theory, we had a wide ranging discussion that included viewing images from the yoga world, and body explorations that encouraged inner listening. Here are some highlights from that inspiring weekend.  (Purchase full notes and handouts from this workshop at the end of this blog post.) On Perfectionism Perfectionism is a cover for shame and vulnerability. Shame - the painful feeling that we are flawed and unworthy. Perfectionism is a great yearning to belong and is linked to judgment of oneself and others. The inverse of perfectionism is authenticity, honesty. Perfectionism doesn't see that we are all messy and we all stumble and make mistakes. The recovering perfectionists's best mantras - "It's okay to be average!" and "Give it a full 60%!" The feminine qualities of receptivity, of humility and of nurturing in silence are devalued in our culture. Healthy striving is attempting to be better for yourself and for positive reasons; perfectionism is an attempt to avoid shame, blame and judgment. (Brene Brown) Self-compassion is the great antidote to perfectionism; honor and accept your humanness. Cultivate the courage to be imperfect. Brene Brown's questions for reframing perfectionism: Are you in touch with your humanity? How forgiving do you feel toward yourself? Where are you hard on yourself? What in you needs blessing? On Yoga Imagery Modern yoga culture offers endless images of women with perfect bodies, perfect yoga poses and seemingly perfect lives. These images are often highly sexualized and demeaning. Most women would never come near the perceived "perfect" body type even if they exercised hours a day. "When I first came to SYA, it was the first time I felt okay in my body. I couldn't stay away," said one student. "The round belly that goes with healthy breathing is anathema to the fashion world." Marion Woodman, 1990's "Most people’s faces and bodies are less than perfectly beautiful. Mediocrity is the human norm. We shouldn’t lament our own condition just because it doesn’t measure up against deeply unrealistic benchmarks." Alain de Botton Our biggest resources – community, personal practices, solitude, following what the heart yearns for. Transforming the media message:  Notice where compassion is missing—allow for grief, frustration, anger, while keeping the door open that with practice you will be able to eventually get ahead of the message and feel steady, bold, courageous and vulnerable within yourself. On Power No one can act out of exclusively pure motives. Even the noblest deeds are based on pure and impure, light and dark. Recognizing that your actions are not purely selfless will help you be a better teacher. There is a great tendency to promote yoga tools as better than they actually are; then we are the victim of our own shadow. Best tools are: honesty, genuineness, our personal contact with depth and spirit. As a teacher, you can unconsciously be pushed into an all-knowing, healing role by your students. The student can have fantasies about the teacher that are actually helpful for the student's development. How can we exercise power without dominating, without oppressive control and still accomplish? A teacher's power is in sustaining the life of her student. The one who quietly responds with intense interest and love to people and ideas is as deeply and truly creative as one who always seeks to lead, to act, to achieve. Learn how to be still without inaction, how to further life without willed purpose, how to serve without demanding prestige, and how to nourish without domination. Purchase all notes and handouts from this workshop for $15. (We'll email them to you!)

Five Things You Don't Know About Your Yoga Teacher

1.  She is a low wage worker and most likely makes under $30,000 a year.

Your teacher is paid anywhere from $5 to $7 per person for each student in class. Seattle Yoga Arts pays at the high end of this pay scale. Chain yoga studios are known to pay their beginning teachers as little as $15 per class! A struggling studio in town pays $3 per student! Count the number of people in any yoga class, multiply by those per person rates, and you'll have your teacher's income for that class. Did you know that if you don’t come to class, your teacher doesn’t get paid?

Take a moment to wonder: how can she live on this?

2.  She is highly educated. She is most likely a college graduate, and, if she is a career yoga teacher, she has spent in the neighborhood of $10,000 to $20,000 on yoga education. 

At our studio, we require 500 hours of training and our teachers are always continuing their education.  This includes teacher training, advanced studies, taking yoga classes herself, traveling for yoga education, and on-line courses. Yoga teaching is a profession in which, unless you own a studio, and unless your classes routinely are full, you will not make a living commensurate with your investment in your education.

What are the certification requirements for teachers at your studio?

3.  She has no benefits and doesn't get sick pay or vacation pay. She does not receive health insurance through her employer, and she is accruing no pension or retirement benefits.

Her pay is not guaranteed week to week, because her salary depends on how many students come to class. Our studio was recently asked by the City of Seattle and by a major university to offer discounts to their employees as part of their wellness packages. I'm so glad these organizations are doing this! But we wrote back saying it felt wrong to offer discounts to employees who made more than we did, and who had better benefits!

What health, sick and vacation benefits do you enjoy?

4.  She is being exploited.

Sounds a little harsh, and I'm sorry to have to break the news to you, but, because yoga students will pay only so much for a yoga class, teacher pay is limited.  At our studio we recently raised our drop-in price to $18, but with various package pricings, you can pay as little as $12 per class. And prices are even lower at some studios around town.

Take a moment to reflect: what is the value of yoga to your life?

5.  She is a one person philanthropy program.

Others see the benefit of yoga and ask a financially strapped teacher to contribute more.  She is regularly asked to donate her time, money and energy to various very worthy causes that ask for her support. She almost always says yes! She gives away gift certificates and free classes, she teaches for free to underprivileged populations, and she donates her time and energy to fund raisers for disease research and treatment.

How do you donate to the common good?