 A few weeks ago Bianca Raffety and I gathered with a group of courageous women to explore the topics of Power, Perfectionism and Yoga. Drawing from the worlds of psychology, yoga, somatics, and feminist and social theory, we had a wide ranging discussion that included viewing images from the yoga world, and body explorations that encouraged inner listening.
Here are some highlights from that inspiring weekend.
(Purchase full notes and handouts from this workshop at the end of this blog post.)
On Perfectionism
- Perfectionism is a cover for shame and vulnerability.
- Shame - the painful feeling that we are flawed and unworthy.
- Perfectionism is a great yearning to belong and is linked to judgment of oneself and others.
- The inverse of perfectionism is authenticity, honesty.
- Perfectionism doesn't see that we are all messy and we all stumble and make mistakes.
- The recovering perfectionists's best mantras - "It's okay to be average!" and "Give it a full 60%!"
- The feminine qualities of receptivity, of humility and of nurturing in silence are devalued in our culture.
-
Healthy striving is
attempting to be better for yourself
and for positive reasons; perfectionism is an attempt to avoid shame, blame and judgment. (Brene Brown)
- Self-compassion is the great antidote to perfectionism; honor and accept your humanness.
- Cultivate the courage to be imperfect.
- Brene Brown's questions for reframing perfectionism:
- Are you in touch with your humanity?
- How forgiving do you feel toward yourself?
- Where are you hard on yourself?
- What in you needs blessing?
On Yoga Imagery
- Modern yoga culture offers endless images of women with perfect bodies, perfect yoga poses and seemingly perfect lives.
- These images are often highly sexualized and demeaning.
- Most women would never come near the perceived "perfect" body type even if they exercised hours a day.
- "When I first came to SYA, it was the first time I felt okay in my body. I couldn't stay away," said one student.
- "The round belly that goes with healthy breathing is anathema to the fashion world." Marion Woodman, 1990's
- "Most people’s faces and bodies are less than perfectly beautiful. Mediocrity is the human norm. We shouldn’t lament our own condition just because it doesn’t measure up against deeply unrealistic benchmarks." Alain de Botton
- Our
biggest resources – community, personal practices, solitude,
following what the heart yearns for.
- Transforming the media message:
Notice where compassion is
missing—allow for grief, frustration, anger, while keeping the door open that
with practice you will be able to eventually get ahead of the message and feel
steady, bold, courageous and vulnerable within yourself.
On Power
- No one can act out of exclusively pure motives. Even the noblest deeds are based on pure and impure, light and dark. Recognizing that your actions are not purely selfless will help you be a better teacher.
- There is a great tendency to promote yoga tools as better than they actually are; then we are the victim of our own shadow. Best tools are: honesty, genuineness, our personal contact with depth and spirit.
- As a teacher, you can unconsciously be pushed into an all-knowing, healing role by your students.
- The student can have fantasies about the teacher that are actually helpful for the student's development.
- How can we exercise power without dominating, without oppressive control and still accomplish?
- A teacher's power is in sustaining the life of her student.
- The one who quietly responds with intense interest and love to people and ideas is as deeply and truly creative as one who always seeks to lead, to act, to achieve.
- Learn how to be still without inaction, how to further life without willed purpose, how to serve without demanding prestige, and how to nourish without domination.
Purchase all notes and handouts from this workshop for $15.
(We'll email them to you!)
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